Venge-Fucking – help me with this here…

I’m curious about what “venge-fucking” is, since any time I do it, it’s good for my partner. I’d like comments.

“Venge-fucking” is one concept I’ve never quite understood, and I’m not even sure if people mean the same thing by it. Can you help me understand?

This comes up because of a response to my post about Hulking, which as I said, is excellent either for dom/sub play or for straight vanilla play as long as the guy can tolerate the thought that his equipment, while perfect, might still be changed to give some variety and other experiences. I’ve done it both ways, and let me tell you, it’s delicious either way.

But I digress. One guy said that if presented the Hulk he’d “throw it across the room and venge-fuck the woman,” “hurting us both.” I took that as a sign that he would NOT be the sort of guy you would give the Hulk to play with. But that got me thinking. What’s the point of a “venge-fuck?”

Is it to hurt the other person, like rape? Or is it to humiliate them in some way by using them? To cap it off, are you supposed to say something hateful to ruin the experience for the other person? And is it something a woman does to a man? Or is it just an act of quasi-violence done by men who aren’t quite brutal enough to rape the woman? What’s the point?

As a woman, I sometimes might give a “mercy” fuck, either to soften some other piece of bad news or to make a guy I actually care about feel better. I don’t do that so much anymore, but… I could under the right circumstances. And then there’s just a wide variety of times I might have sex for various reasons, but I ALWAYS think I’m giving the guy a good time, so what could possibly be vengeful about that?

If you’ve done it before or talked to someone who has, can you tell me a little bit more about this venge-fuck stuff?

Pegging – Back with a Vengeance!

Pegging is one of my absolute favorite things to do.

I’ve had some awful sort of cold or flu or something that knocked me out of action for over a week. In my last post, several days ago, I announced that I was back. That turned out to be premature. I hate premature anything, as I’m sure you can guess. But we’ll get to that in a little bit.

Anyway, I’d let my hubby out for several days, and he did take some advantage of the fact although much of the time he stayed and helped me when I let him.

I wanted him to take advantage of being out, though, because it makes giving him consequences so much fun. Especially the part where I told him to “do whatever you want!” He very wrongly interpreted that statement to mean he could do whatever he wanted without being punished. He’ll be finding out just how wrong that was tomorrow. I’d meant to bring things home to him a little sooner, but this will probably be fine. He’s back in his cage and has been for several days… simmering, let’s say. I haven’t felt like making much use of him most of the time, although it’s felt good to let him massage me a little bit in the mornings and maybe a couple of times it’s gone a little further than that. He’s had to be very patient and gentle, however.

I haven’t even felt like letting any of my other lovers come over, so there’s been some temptation that way, but so far his tongue has been adequate, and that’s had to be enough for him, too. I love seeing his little thing in that cage desperately (but silently) begging for attention, a little string of precum dripping out. I like to touch the tip of his cage with my finger and see how far I can make that stuff stretch out. He knows I’m making plans when I start playing with him that way, so that makes him even more excited.

He’s ready for pegging now. It’s been a while, so he isn’t quite on the perfect edge for that. After we’ve been doing it for a few days in a row it takes less effort to make him cum from it. Since he’s been off the peg for a couple of weeks and even snuck in an orgasm or two while I was sick, it’s going to take a little more effort to get him back into the saddle. I’ll do that tomorrow and report back. I’m glad to say that I’m ready to start making him do his job a little more. We’ll do pegging tomorrow and may work in a friend or two this weekend. People have needs, after all!

Euphoria – Feeling Good

Euphoria – the simple feeling of well-being. It’s why we do what we do. BDSM and chastity can be the way we get happy.

Good Feelings Can be so Hard to Get!

Euphoria, the simple, underlying feeling of well-being, can be so hard to get. It’s why people do all the crazy things they do: just to feel good. Sometimes it’s orgies, and sometimes it’s chastity. Sometimes simple pleasure, and some need their pleasure spiced with pain. It’s still all about happiness.

I was reminded of that last evening when mine suddenly came back to me. I’ve been sick for close to two weeks – not a big deal, just a cold or flu or whatever, but between losing my voice and being unable to sleep, sore throat, sinus headaches and all the rest, it was pretty miserable. I was so miserable, in fact, that I took the chastity cage off my husband the day before yesterday and just… turned him loose! I didn’t want to think about him or about sex, or about anything other than, if I possibly could, sleep! So I turned him loose.

He was baffled!

“What should I do, then, Elena?” he asked.

He isn’t an idiot, if that’s what you’re wondering. Like most men who play this game, he’s extremely intelligent – far above average. But I haven’t just turned him loose, released him from chastity, without conditions, since he first went under lock and key. I don’t think he knew how bad I was feeling till then. I don’t think I did! It was like leaving the corral door open so your horse could get away and live even if you died. Pretty dramatic!

“Whatever you want!” I rasped. I just wanted to sleep.

“Other women? Anything??” he asked, trying to get a rise out of me, but I just waved him away.

“Whatever!”

Someday maybe I’ll amuse you with some of the things he did while I suffered through the final throes of my illness. The point is that I was just no fun at all. Sometimes I woke up without any real pain, but yet without that underlying joy that is normally my constant companion, something still felt wrong.

Alex did tend me much of the time, but I’m not the warmest and cuddliest sick person, so much of the time I made him leave so I could sleep.

Finally I was back to myself last night and called him in. I was curious about what he would do, after having a little freedom. Would he want to keep it that way? Or would he submit.

I held out the chastity cage kind of dangling off the tip of my finger and raised my eyebrows with a challenge.

He took it and put it on. I think he felt much better, too!

Back to normal!

 

In the Grips of Pain

This is not a kinky post – sorry! It refers to my current physical condition, which is that I am suffering from a cold that will just not let go. If you have left me a comment, therefore, please just be patient a little while longer. Concentrating is a real job here, and it has been all I could do to submit It’s a Woman’s World Part 3 to Amazon for publication. I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, though.

It’s such a drag to be sick, but I guess a little of it every now and then is good for me, since it reminds me of what so many others have to endure constantly.

Hope you’re feeling well, dear reader, and I’ll be back to my kinky self soon.

Make Your Cuckold Help

A wise dom always makes her cuckold help, when it’s convenient, from planning and dressing for the date to its more intimate moments.

If you are in a cuckolding relationship, you’re always trying to find useful things for your cuckold to do. Things that keep him busy and, at the crucial time, either out of the way or in a place to do something helpful.

Some of my readers have said they were turned on by making hubby help with the dressing prior to a date. That is, make him help pick out the lingerie, ask him how each item looks and whether it shows off your body to its best effect. I do like to do that, and I have made a point of putting more of that in my stories, too. After all, he does know what looks best! J And looking good for him is also an important part of the game.

But I think it’s more important to get him to help in other ways. There’s so much more he can do!

One big thing, of course, is having him set the table and prepare the food for a date if it’s going to be at home – and then it’s fun to have him serve the food and kind of serve as a butler during the meal. My husband makes an excellent cup of coffee in addition to his other talents, and I have found it very helpful for him to have refreshments ready at appropriate intervals.

That way he doesn’t feel so excluded!

And then there are other ways to include him at more intimate moments. My absolute favorite, other than having him prepare me for my boyfriend’s entry, which I always have him do before a date and usually also a little closer to the moment, is to have him stand there in attendance and help keep everything where it should be going. For example, one of my favorite positions is the reverse cowgirl. As you probably know, if you get VERY slippery and are also active, there is a significant chance that something will slip out at a crucial time.

That can necessitate a change of angles or too much wasted time. It’s so much better if you have someone there to kind of put things back where they belong. And there are few more poignant moments for a cuckold than that moment of entry. Or re-entry. Letting him help with that really drives the point home to him, especially if he’s in a chastity cage and couldn’t, himself, drive anything home! Watching him, as he slides the other guy slowly in, is so hot! I never get enough of that feeling, and so it may be that I get a little more careless about the slipping than I might!

Your Cock is too Small – You Don’t Deserve Sex

Good girls always tell guys their cocks are the perfect size. That’s what they want to hear. What if you tell them what they NEED to hear instead?

Good girls always tell their guys that their size, whatever it is, is… perfect!

But some guys know that isn’t true.

As with every heavily laden taboo, there is a huge payoff for violating it sometimes. Guys are always worried about their size. Sometimes it’s really hot to play to that fear and use it. Some guys are just “too small” to please you. Why not let them know? That’s why you think they should be in a cage, or why you need another lover, require them to wear the Hulking device (penis sleeve), or just require a lot more oral sex. If you tell some guys they “don’t measure up,” it really turns them on when you tell it like it is.

I’m looking for good ways to put that. Gentle, or not so gentle, reminders, to your guy that he isn’t quite man enough to please you by himself in “that way.”

For example, if he wants to know why he should use the Hulk, you say, “Well, it isn’t that you aren’t fine, it’s just that I sometimes need a little more!” Or, “Well, that thing is so big it just makes me come more.” Or when a guy asks you what you used to see in another boyfriend, you demurely say, “well, he was really big, and that really did something for me.” If your guy responds anything like, “I’m not big enough for you?” or “You don’t like it as much with me?” you say, “You do other things really well. Sex isn’t everything!”

Any time your guy fishes for compliments about his size or displays any uncertainty, instead of giving him what you know he WANTS, give him what he NEEDS. Give him the subtle message that no, he really isn’t quite enough in that way for you – you might like a little more “now and then.” Or you could playfully refer to his cock as his “clit,” “clitty,” or clitoris. You could say you “love the size of his clit!”

Most guys will never dare to ask this, but if yours does ask you whether another lover was as big as, or bigger than, him, you say, “not when he was soft!” Or if you really want to tease, you say, “he was way bigger than you even before he got hard. I really liked that!”

“You never had that reaction to me!” or “You never said that about me” could be met with, “Well, you never could quite do that for me. It isn’t your fault – he’s just… bigger.” “Did you come?” Or, “why do you think you didn’t come?” could meet with the obvious responses – “It isn’t really your fault, I just… need a little more!”

I’d love to hear other ways to deliver the message. What have you heard? Or thought at times?

A Call to Kink

I’m a live and let live kind of girl. BDSM sex is normal behavior and can give you more pleasure than vanilla sex. You should try it.

I am a believer in, “to each his or her own.” If it isn’t hurting someone else or creating bad things in the world that will hurt someone else, and people like doing it, then why not cheer it on? There are so many things going on in the world, and so many possibilities that one can, or might, explore, that it is almost impossible to decide what is really normal or healthy behavior. It’s a waste of time trying to do that, and a waste of life to hold yourself back from exploring.

Readers of my blog or writing know that I frequent some of those worlds of possibility. One of those is the “Woman’s World.” I also spend a lot of time in the world of cuckolding.

On the surface, I know, it seems that the worlds I create with my writing are hurting people, and there is a nefarious plot behind the It’s a Woman’s World series. It might be hard for the button-down crowd to see It’s a Woman’s World as serious literature that happens to involve a lot of kinky d/s (domination/submission) sex as a serious piece of literature, but it is one. I call it erotica, but it might also be considered a very dark psychological thriller.

But I digress.

My point is that for the most part the characters in my stories are making free choices. Some are happier than others, maybe, but these choices are almost all (at least) within the reaches of normal behavior. Every woman must at some time have fantasized about making love to someone else in front of the fascinated gaze of someone whose intense desire she wanted to stir. We all think that having people mad with desire for us, while we pick and choose whom, if anybody, we wish to please, is erotically stimulating. And almost every – if not actually every – man has at times fantasized about seeing his woman with another man. It’s wired into us.

Either as a pleasure or as punishment. And the weird thing, as we all know, is that there is a place where erotic pleasure and pain seem to merge. BDSM fantasies are one such area, and for many men that means the cuckold fantasy. Feminization is a step further out there, with “forced” being implied as a sort of permission. Isn’t that what submission is all about anyway? Permission to do what taboo forbids.

There is a chemical reason for this. Everyone has heard of endorphins, the pleasure-giving substance that our bodies create at times. Well, our bodies create it in response to weird things (like the smell of vanilla, for example), sexual pleasure, and pain. It appears that our bodies counteract painful situations by releasing pleasure-giving endorphins. That creates the paradoxical effect of pain giving sexual pleasure, and when that pain and its accompanying endorphins are combined with other sexual stimuli that are physically pleasurable, the pleasure can be significantly greater than the pleasure given in straight, non-kinky sex.

And that is why, I am convinced, so many people who taste d/s sex never fully lose the taste for it in the future. In a way, that makes my stories and those like them, dangerous. But no one ever needs to do anything they don’t want to do. Freedom is dangerous, in a way, but it’s what life is all about, too.

Enjoy yourselves. Let yourselves experience things on the fringe. Don’t hurt yourselves or other people, but check out another world. You might find an incredible amount of pleasure and satisfaction if you do. Spread the word!