Something that Drives me Crazy

People with blogs often put hyperlinks into their posts that take readers away from their sites. This hurts their post.

For writers with blogs

I like to read other people’s blogs, and there’s a reasonable chance that that’s how you found me. So how did I find you? Well, I probably went to someone whose blog I already follow, read a post, and saw one of your comments or a link to you from the post. That make sense? And your name was a hyperlink. You know how to make hyperlinks, right? you click on the little chain link above, and are invited to enter an address. Looks like this.

Typical Add-Link Box


What most people seem to do is put in the url like good writers and click on “Add Link.”

You know that’s what you do, but it’s NOT RIGHT! You need to do at least one more thing. Maybe two. These will be both polite to your readers and good for your site.

Improve Your SEO

You can do two things that will improve the way your post is found when people search.

Use Anchor Text

You MIGHT want to put something into the “Link Text” box. The last I heard (although it’s been a while), this becomes the “anchor text” of your link, and having that anchor text be a favored keyword or the title of the place you’re sending people to is good for SEO (that’s “search engine optimization”) – a healthy thing for the place linked.

Check “Open link in a new window/tab”

You ALMOST CERTAINLY want to click the box labeled “Open link in a new window/tab.” What that does is cause a new tab to be opened when the person clicks on it. It’s the polite thing to do, and it’s smart.

Why does it matter, Elena?

Because then, when they click on that link and follow it to their heart’s content, they STILL have you on their browser. By itself that is good for SEO, although probably not a very big deal. What is a big deal is that they can then continue reading what they were reading in the first place, and you can make your point without worrying that the things you link to will, paradoxically, interrupt your point and damage your argument.

You will also annoy fewer people. Most internet users do not expect clicking a link to take them far away from what they are reading, and they can get lost. So check that open in a new tab box.

I cannot explain why the default on the site for commenters is to take them away from the site. If I can figure out how to undo it, I’ll let you know.

If you will give me a comment here, you’ll help people find your site the way I found yours.

Safety in kink – Femdom vs Male Dom

Male and female doms in bdsm relationships must keep safety in mind, but safety from whom?

Safety is a Main Concern of All Doms

Safety is a different issue in fem dom from male d/s relationships. This article explores the question of safety from both perspectives. It is not for the faint of heart.

I had a conversation yesterday on Twitter (several exchanged tweets, anyway – you can find mine by clicking on my tweets at yesterday with a (male) dom in which we discussed safety issues. I said it was unfortunate that the we (dom’s) had to consider “safety” in our play, and John@domjohnlocke mentioned our responsibility as doms always to consider the safety of our subs. We found ourselves speaking at cross-purposes for a while, but then I realized that one of a femdom’s major responsibilities is to manage response from the outside world, whereas a male dom primarily worries about things he might do to the sub physically.

Of course all safety is a primary concern, always, for the dom. Part of the d/s relationship is that the dom does take on the question of safety for both, while the sub relinquishes much of that responsibility (other than using “safe-words” where open consent has not been given). And even open consent, which is the allowance of the dom to do virtually anything within his or her range of desires, does not completely eliminate a sub’s responsibility for self-safety. But within those broad limits, the question that interests me is, safety from what or whom?

Remember that the discussion that follows is generalized, and particular relationships can be far different.

A Male Dom’s Main Safety Concerns for Female Subs

A male dom worries primarily about managing and balancing the amount of physical pain he subjects his female sub to from his own hands. Women subs will say they want any amount of pain, and their tolerance of it and desire for more can be incredible. The dom has to find the range that is limited by what the sub can actually, physically stand and enjoy, balancing control and discipline. The relationship can be like an actually loving, but super harsh and disciplinarian parent. Remember, the sub wants the pain and discipline and experiences joy and satisfaction from it – to a point.

A Female Dom’s Main Safety Concerns for Male Subs

A female dom has some of the same concerns as male doms do and must keep the sub’s well-being and needs in mind. But we have an additional task.

As 50 Shades of Gray demonstrated, there is actually a great deal of social acceptance for male domination. Within limits not even approached by that book, men are expected to dominate and control women. Women who submit are not reviled – they are often lauded, although sometimes they are pitied. Among other things, this all means that male dominance often does not take the form of public humiliation.

It’s different as a female dom. Because men are “normally” in the dominant role, men who are subs are actually often disrespected, ridiculed, and attacked. In fact, without going into it in great detail here, it is the subjection to public scrutiny and contempt that does light the fire of many or most male subs. If you’d like to see some examples of that, you can check out my Pinterest account. [These images are extremely graphic! They are “NSFW” – not safe for work, and definitely not for the faint of heart. Be warned.] Note how frequently another person is involved – used as a foil – in the domination.

Most of the d/s in which I am involved does in fact involve the presence of third parties, and this creates a major safety issue. Because male subs are disrespected (rather than pitied, as female subs can be by unknowing observers), they can be attacked and hurt by other people. Male submission is distinctly more “taboo,” as is much of what they are required to do, and this can excite homophobic or other hostile responses). At the same time, it is my duty (lovingly fulfilled!) to achieve the humiliation my sub craves by exposing him to other people’s possible ridicule while protecting him from unintended consequences that can stretch far beyond the bedroom.

My stories never explore the delicate balance that must be achieved, but in real life safety is paramount and NEVER ignored.

I would love to hear what you think of this article. Please like, leave a comment, and let me know what you think!



My Labor of Love – The Keyholder’s Manual

I wrote this book some time ago, and it’s available on Amazon here: in U.S.: The Keyholder’s Manual and in UK here: The Keyholder’s Manual.

I wrote this because I was fascinated by the psychology behind a pretty hot trend in sexual play – chastity caging of men. It’s mostly a male fantasy, and I was curious to know why my husband was so into it. It might be a little too serious to be erotica – I’m working on that and hoping to have a new version out within a week or two.

Has Your Man Asked You to Be his Key-Holder?

Are you trying to figure out how to ask a woman to be your key-holder?

The Key-holder’s Manual Will Tell You How to Do It

Not long ago, cock cages, or “chastity cages” were rare and, when you could get them at all, expensive. Not so any more – lots of guys and women are fascinated with this kink now. This Key-holder’s Primer came about because of that.

This is the definitive explanation for what makes this fantasy work and how you can make it work for you.

Make Dreams Come True

If a guy is fantasizing about chastity, it’s one of his most intimate, kinkiest dreams. Shouldn’t you learn about it to find out whether it’s for you?

Any woman whose boyfriend or husband is thinking about the cock cage or thinking about her having sex with other guys, will find this manual very enlightening and helpful in understanding the kink and learning how to use it to increase everybody’s pleasure.

You’ll Learn A Lot

If you’re a guy, you’ll learn something about what makes it work, and you will find the descriptions and tips hot, erotic, and an incredible turn-on. If you want your woman to understand you, this is your chance. Give this book to her and see what happens. You can pretend you just “heard about it” and “think it might be cool” – if she’s into it, she won’t be fooled! If she isn’t already into it, you’ll have taken a long step towards getting her into it.

If you’re a woman whose guy wants this, now you’ll know why!

And if you’re a woman who wants to do this with your guy, now you’ll know how to set him up so he finds the idea irresistible.

Many guys have a huge fantasy of watching their woman with another man.

Start the Conversation – You’ll be Caged before you Know it!

This Manual will be very helpful to men who want to open this subject with their significant others, too. Chastity fantasies and the whole “female-led” relationship can be embarrassing to talk about. This book will help overcome that and will bridge the gap between fantasy and reality that so many guys are looking for. It’s kinky, but there are so many people doing it now that it also has to be considered normal, too. And it’s really, really fun for all involved once you get into it.

You will learn a lot about yourself and your partner in reading this manual and exploring this kink.


It’s a Woman’s World

It’s a Woman’s World – The New Job

This is the story of a pretty normal guy caught in a strange new world, contolled by people he isn’t aware of for purposes he doesn’t know. It could happen to you.

His Desperation Sets Him up to be Feminized by a Ruthless Firm

Peter is a guy who needs a job, badly. He’s been out of work for several months, money is getting short and credit card bills are getting big. His wife, Christine, is putting on the pressure. Then all the sudden it looks like some good luck has come his way. Christine has found a job opening advertised in a women’s magazine.

He interviews, only to face a series of difficult and confusing conditions which require his immediate agreement or the loss of his job. His compromises are constantly portrayed and documented as requests granted by management. And he finds himself writing down “notes” that put him in a worse and worse position.

He’s Required to Cross-dress and Faces Constant Humiliation

In order to get this job, which does advertise good pay and benefits, Peter is presented choice after choice forcing him into a corner. It starts with “neutral” clothing which can’t include men’s clothes, and goes from there.

He’s Turned into “One of the Girls”

Peter is expected to undress in the presence of the women of the office, they touch him freely in the most intimate places, but then he’s disciplined for showing off his inadequate “member,” leading to his greatest humiliation yet. He’s given perfume to wear and unlabeled vitamins to take…

A Woman’s World, Inc., Markets to Women – Although What they Sell Isn’t Clear

Peter isn’t told exactly what products or services AWWI provides, and the people identified as clients are silent, wistful, and kept out of sight. Peter just knows he’ll have to know all of the female products from experience, and he finds himself dressed in g-strings and heels, all while being reassured that they are as gender-neutral as possible…
Peter keeps expecting Christine to take his side, but her acceptance of the strange conditions imposed by AWWI, and her insistence that Peter keep the job, keeps the pressure on.

Meanwhile, Christine is Turning into a Dominatrix who likes BDSM

Christine, who hadn’t been very sexual with Peter for years, suddenly begins to initiate hot sex. It can get desperate and uncomfortable for Peter, and her delight in squeezing his balls and making him ask her to hurt him keeps him off guard. But he does find her new assertiveness attractive nonetheless.

It’s a Woman’s World – The New Job”

The New Job is a story of forced feminization, intrigue, power, sex and denial. It’s the first in a series that will explore what happens when Peter takes a job with a marketing firm that specializes in serving women and immediately start to feminize Peter so that he can “fit in.”
It doesn’t end with cross-dressing, humiliation, and feminization. It explores poor Peter as he is forced increasingly into a female-led relationship with a dominatrix. When a chastity cage is put on Peter to keep him from displaying his “clitoris,” Christine goes wild, teasing him mercilessly, laughing at him, pulling him around by the balls, and dominating him in every way.
And it gets worse in Part 2.

If interested, you can get It’s a Woman’s World, Parts 1 and 2 (combined) at Amazon:

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